This has been a challenging week for Indigenous women, a lot of positioning for us to have to speak to white supremacy. I feel like if I dig into what I want to write, it's going to cost me a lot in emotional labour and I don't have the time or energy to do that right now, so this is going to be short.
This morning I woke up with an email from a white women who intersected with my work telling me that I am "capable of better".
I could write a whole thing on why she's wrong but the annoying thing is - she's right.
I can do better, she can do better - we can all do better.
So, I'm going to use this as an opportunity to check in with things I'm working on to be more capable:
1. Emotional Truth - holy moly bejesuch christ and zeus of the disciples have I improved in the last month on this one. My re-conditioning to not deny my truth and confidently feel and move through that has been incredibly productive. Lots o things to keep working on but I deserved to do better for myself and I am!
2. Refusing shame - oooof this is a hard one, but I feel like even talking about it and acknowledging where and when it comes up is a wild improvement. I've got a greater conscious awareness and that's a mile of a difference. I have been conditioned to have so much shame about even advocating for myself, so this is a daily battle but possibly the most important one.
3. Protecting creative space - Mon and Tues meetings are good but I'm still struggling to get solid full days in to focus on the craft. I'm purdy close to quitting sosh meids all together to focus up. It's been a fun couple months being back on the Gram and highly participating on Fbook but I don't find it to be nourishing. I also work against feeling a lot of shame when I can't give people my time, so 2 and 3 interconnect.
4. Creating community - this one is a big fail. This one really illuminated itself to me while I was away on my retreat. I don't think the city is set up for real community living. I really like to move slow and talk to people at all points of contact in my life and this city moves too fast for me to have those meaningful connections. Living like zoo animals in apt's with just enough resources to eat and shit, this is not conducive to the community living that's ideal for me.
5. Labour distribution - fail. I've calculated that I'm at about a 3 week backlog of emails - so if you email me, the response time is around there, remember it's just me and if you refer back to #3 I'm struggling to have creative time so that's where my attention is going.
6. Letting joy in...
She's coming along. Many moments this past month that have truly been received because of the work I'm putting in to allow moments of celebration. I've talked to a few people about this one and I find it interesting because within the practice we create the opportunity for us to be really proud and happy and yet we don't take the time to really deliberately let it in.
with compassion for all those labouring,
p.s here is something I wrote about the JWR silencing and posted on Fbook.
Jt is a turd.
The canadian state is designed to eradicate us.
Some community members believe our sovereignty will be delivered by their work within state structures.
I don’t necessarily agree with them, their politics or their approach.
In fact, I find the majority of those suto-state insurgents policy decisions deeply problematic.
This is not about that.
This is about the previously mentioned turd oppressing and silencing an Indigenous Matriarch.
This is about all of us being okay with that for far too long.
This is about the word and lived experience of one of our Matriarchs being questioned by the highest elected white man who is publicly bullying her and making that type of behaviour acceptable for all canadians.
This is about the assertion of the power of a white man over an Indigenous woman.
This goes way beyond any historical policy and legislation creation of the Indigenous suto-insurgent.
This is about the blatant flexing of white power over an Indigenous women.
We can discuss the insurgents approach later.
Right now, we as Indigenous people need to flex the fuck back and protect our own.
Some of this inter-Indigenous work is our business that we will deal with outside the white state surveillance.
What’s most important now is that we as Indigenous peoples refuse white power over one of our Matriarchs.
Speak Jody Wilson Raybould.
Speak your fucking truth because we got your back on this one.
I will always have your back when white power comes for our truth.
A white supremacist attack on one Indigenous Matriarchs truth is an attack on us all.